In the short time I've known CT, I've grown quite an admiration for her. While I admit I may have had a bit of a crush at first, now I sorta see her more as an older sister.(Is that weird?) She has a lot of qualities I admire and I feel motivated to try to follow in her foot steps (except where my interests are different from hers). I guess one thing I've gotta thank God for is giving me a role model again. Back in sec scl I either looked up to Darryl or Daniel or Jia ming; all my BB bros. Since poly I realised I never actually knew enough about anyone to admire and look up to. Now I have someone to look up to as an example again; pretty motivating to have that sense of direction again. Once again my spiritual life is accelerating...feels great. I'm only worried about a back slide. I always recover strong but slow down exhausted in this. Looking at CT as a role model, I've wondered about how vulnerable I'd be if I were to see my role model herself back slide. In the process, I'm trying to train myself to be more headstrong. Plus I feel a lot more independent this semester in other areas of my life too.
Recently tried getting closer to Christ again. Was really surprised; despite how long I've turned away, the moment I was willing to walk back, he was waiting. In just a few quiet times, I've felt him, and in some ways I saw him (well I didn't see him, but there was a surge of light definitely distinct from power failures). Suddenly I felt a warm comfortable glow radiating from my core, at the same time, even though my eyes were looking at the floor at they were closed, it suddenly got a lot brighter. Like I was staring straight at the Sun. I know for sure there was no one else there who could have been faking it cos I was at a very isolated place where every bit of sound would echo. When I was done with my quiet time, I opened my eyes and the lights in the area were still regularly bright. I didn't see anything else which could have lit up the area like I experienced through my closed eye-lids. And the warmth radiating in me was still there and comfortable. Felt really touched, its the "I know I really don't deserve it but I appreciate it" sort of feeling.
I did my quiet time on "Choices", a book that I didn't finish with my bible study group the last time=x
But the one chapter that stood out was "Singleness". It wasn't anything new to me, but it was reassurance. After deciding for sure I wanna remain single (at least for a good long time) that chapter was very much reassuring to me. Especially the part about being able to make decisions just for myself without having to worry about how much time I'm giving someone else. I think that was the chapter I previously started but didn't complete. Surprised to be able to find this book lying under a lot of my previous psych text books.
UO says I gotta find "food" on campus because it'l be easier for me to eat and I won't starve.
Emailed Christian Fellowship, spoke to a coursemate in Campus crusade, and requested to FB join NP SYFC. Frankly speaking, I don't think the first and the latter will work out. But I've got alot of hope in Campus crusade. The people there have been friendly. I have guy friends there too so even if I get anxious about the girls, I can choose to ignore them. Besides, some of the girls, I've heard, are actually course-mates; whom I'd really gotten accustomed too during the Hong Kong trip. Plus they are the ones that seem to sit behind me in almost every lecture; so its a lot better than having all the girls there being complete strangers. Looking forward to wednesday 6pm at blk 50 #01-01.
Wed 6pm=x my Song composing club is at 6.30pm. Well, my band is kinda taking a break anyway, after a chain of events; such as members suddenly going off to do soul-searching and stuff. Thought it was ridiculous at first, but then, I realised it may have been all too coincidental. What if perhaps God had been coordinating my return longer than I realized. I guess it gives me time to focus on serving God with music rather than just serving music. I'm abit tired of always being told to down-strum in the songs my band composes anyway. Maybe I might turn out to be a guitarist in a worship group. My dad has been pushing me to play guitar for worship for around the past 3-4months. Yeah, really too coincidental.
Well, gotta go, I have a behavior modification E-blog to finish (D=), a disabled contact to call for an interview for managing disabilities (D=), begin observation for baseline assessment for Behavior mod(D=), write a follow-up critique for legal frameworks on a debate about animal testing (D=), and study for Behavior mod test on Tuesday(DDDD=). Gosh, Behavior Mod is being a real arse these 2 weeks. Thats what you get when the lecturer falls sick for 1 mnth and gives assignments before then, and a replacement lecturer comes in and gives more assignments, and then the original comes back and gives more assignments. DDDDDDDDD= gonna have a busy weekend.
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