I keep asking myself,is this really for the best?Im isolating myself from them,i keep consoling myself that its best for them,that im keeping them away from my emotional subconscious....i love to hang with them,i feel like i can trust myself physically with them,but i can lose my emotional consciousness when im getting too sentimental towards them...the pain of emotion cuts deeper than that of the blade.....it seers up the heart continuously,but never actually finishes it off,leaving it still there to be seered....
I wonder if i really did make the right choice,many(in fact all) of those people i consulted on this matter said that i should just make up with them,come clean,its not really best to hurt myself like this and stuff...well,,,theres still one point that seems to always be forgotten;is there really any turning back now?
i know its not their fault at all,its completely mine to light within my soul itself,but is there any detour back on this one-way high-way?How would they feel about me if i do choose to return?how would Grace feel around me if i do return?would things ever be the same?and what about the initial cons;i can get too emotionally bonded to them again...i dont know if i really can be there for them as an equal.i want to be there for them both,i cant compare who they are,yet,the guilt consumes me;the other day,a friend of mine(i shouldnt give names) asked me a question,it was a question that really forced the guilt back into me but the truth as well.do i love them both?Yes,of course i do....WHO DO I LOVE MORE...;( ...i have within my heart,the name more obvious than another,and the name passed through my words....
X( im sorry,the other name,,,i love you alot,as a friend,you know that,this doesnt mean i can compare you to anyone,,,because the bond i share with you is still irreplacable....
ARGH>>>WHEN WILL I ACTUALLY FACE THE FACTS;i cant address them anymore ;(
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