Goshhhhhhhhhhhh..........it hurts so much....i feel just about lost without them,that i fit in no where,that i don't belong and never did..........gahhhh....i have to keep constantly reminded myself why im doing this;to protect them from my subconscious emotions,(i kinda did it before on someone else who shares this blog,so i hope that you too will understand now...you will know who your are if i were to say Juliet+snow white)...i do this to protect the ones i love...
Gosh.....how often do you actually feel emotionally cold and lost inside....forgotten...and all,its my own fault for allowing myself to get so easily emotionally dependent on them...they are just so awesome and mature,not many ppl are.
anyway, ive been feeling rather lost the whole day,i cant recall whether i ever even have ever felt pain to this extent,im not exaggerating,i seriously feel totally pointless right now,the feeling that they think i hate them but i have no choice but to make them feel this way,for now at least...
And Rachael,i want to thank you for existing in itself,i think if not for you,i really,would have gone on a private spree to emo land for a good long time...just knowing that i can talk to you(part of our circle by now),brings about the sentimentality of someone to trust....
Anyway,i feel too displaced too guard Kuro's and Chu's spiritual life openly now...so i have passed the duty to Darryl,who has agreed to help me guard their spiritual life on-the-field.He will be able to help me take care of them when i cant be physically around(thnx so much Darryl)...me?i cant work on the field now,not now,but i still have to look after them,credited or secretly,i will be trying my best to take care of them from behind the glass door....Rachael too forms a bridge between me and them,and that really helps me out too.
So id like to say thnx again to Rachael and Darryl.for helping me in this task that i have only made complicated for myself...
Sigh...i almost wish i could go up to them and say i still care,but simply by telling them that,i would subconsciously be telling myself that i can hang around them casually,and that may lead them to grow too fond of me,just the vulnerability to any of my subconscious emotional rampages...it is with a heavy heart that i do as i do now...
(*whispers*:Kuro,..Chu,..don't you worry.I still care,I am still here,...I will watch over you,whether you know it or not,I still love you two,...and...i'm sorry.............................
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